Sometimes I really can't find the person whom I loved before, who cries whenever I'm crying, who apologize whenever he made a mistake, who accompanies me whenever I leave and who makes me happy whenever I’m down. Where is the person I loved? is he lost somewhere or is it me who just can’t find him. I miss him a lot, I miss him so much. I just want to be with him again and enjoy that moment that we’re together and reminisce the times that we’ve been through. I want him to come back but I don’t know how, where and when is the right time to ask him. He’s always busy. The big question for me is why did he left me? is it because he doesn’t love me anymore?, is it because I’ve done something wrong? I really can’t help but to think that his reason for leaving is because of ME, simply ME. I just need someone to listen and to talk to but whenever I open-up to a friend, he is pointing out that I’m the one who is wrong… I’m the one who is the cause of the fight…because of my immaturity (he said). I just wonder if he is right and sometimes because he is saying that again and again, I really felt like I’m the cause. What I need someone to talk to who’ll listen and comfort me not upset me…
While I was riding a tricycle yesterday, I thought of a thing that I realized was one of my greatest fear. My friend and I were riding beside the driver at the back and I was holding tightly on one of the steel bars and I saw my friend who was not holding on to anything so that she wouldn’t fell off the vehicle while me I’m holding on tightly because I’m afraid to fell off and get hurt. That particular thing made me ponder about
myself, am I afraid to let go because I’m afraid to be hurt and I’m afraid that I’ll be left alone? That really made me reminisce the events that happened in
my life and I realized that I’m really afraid of letting go.
We know for a fact that being hurt is part of a person’s life, but the mere fact is I’m really afraid of being hurt, I’m afraid that I might find it hard to move on and find another thing to replace the one I’ve lost. I really like to decide on a thing and proved to everyone that my decision was right and permanent even though I know that it would not really work I still want to try. I can say that I’m a risk taker but still I think before I decide, I’m asking myself if I’m ready to face what will come whenever I decided to choose a particular stuff.
For now, I’m really finding a fad that will help me overcome that fear, the fear that for me is the most hard to overcome because it affects everything in my life. But I really don’t want to let go because once I’ve decided, I really want it to last or I really want it to be stable and so I’ll do anything that will make it stay. Now, I’m thinking if that fad is really worth to keep? Does that fad does anything to make my decision permanent? Does it help? haizZ,.. I’ll ponder about it some more…because I don’t want to make a mistake that would make me suffer……….for a lifetime....
“Just because I smile on the outside, doesn’t mean that I am on the inside.”
We should admit that sometimes in our lives we kept things within us. Those are the things that hurts us the most right?? But even though we keep on persuading ourselves to forget it the more it register in our minds and the more it makes us cry….haiZz…it’s really hard to keep those things inside…it’s super hard!!!!!!! Whenever it keeps coming back in our minds , it doesn’t matter how hard we prevent ourselves from crying…..Because whatever we do we just can’t stop our tears to flow…how sad …because no matter how hard we try to forget and move on….it’s still there…but what should register in our minds is that we should take it in an optimistic way…we should learn to accept and move on…..bottom line is……………time will not stop for us when we are down, but it will sure heal the wounds in our hearts…(but its really hard^_^)
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